We as Travelers

My feet ready to be on the go waiting for our flight at Auckland Domestic Airport going to QT. It was a delayed flight due to zero visibility in Queenstown area.

The adage saying that life is a journey is not just a mere inspiration to those who opt changes by getting out of their own comfort zones. For me, it is an essential thing everyone should be aware about.

Setting blueprints of what we really want ahead of us can be sometimes challenging. We go through different changes due to twists of circumstances, we go through changing designs and eventually decide and define them in course of time. I call it a personal metamorphosis.

I started getting into places by my own when I was already 20. From then, I realise that my world shouldn't just revolve in the confines of my own thinking, under my own rigid cranial vault. It was from that point that I started getting outdoors to release what is on my mind. By saying outdoors, I specifically say countryside. 

I grew up and was raised up in a nearly remote countryside in my native Cebu, Philippines. I first went to the city to have my college education and eventually work there for a short stance prior to my move in New Zealand.  It is not surprising that if I've got to chill out, I prefer to be in a countryside. 

My move to a completely foreign country two  years back was such a big transition. It is a transition towards more independence and more exploration on what life is there outside of what I called my comfort zone. It is a bigger world. In a bigger world, mediocrity is always transcended with the complexities of daily life scenarios but on the brighter side, it is also a world towards experiencing many better things, towards seeing more opportunities, towards meeting a lot of people from all walks and towards diverting your thinking from all arrays of just imaginations to realisations. Along with my move, I bring alongside me the blueprint I designed many years back, the blueprint that I consider as my own guiding principles for the things that I really want in life.

Now living in the biggest New Zealand metropolitan, it is an inevitable fact that deep within me, even for just in a while, could it be just twice in a year, I yearn for a countryside as an avenue to channel through tensioned but important thoughts that I earn from mingling in a busy metropolitan atmosphere and putting it back inside my cranium, refreshed without losing them. And also by doing such, it always give me a homelike feeling, easing the nostalgia of home. The scent of the trees, sounds of the crickets, chirping of the birds, green grasses, cows, the sparkling morning dew with a sunlight reflecting in an early morn and the cold feeling underfeet when you step on them and whatnots. These are just unimaginable.

Hence, travelling for yourself is not about reaching to a certain destination. Life is a journey. It is not just looking at the beautiful sights and taking snapshots. It is not just meeting people of some kinds and making friends with them. For me, it is also but a journey towards self discovery, mindfulness and self determination.

A signage just in the departure area.

                                 

To The Mountain Heads of Whangarei

Kia ora! Haere mai. Well, today's my third birthday celebration away from home. The first one was when I was doing my CAP in NMIT Nelson City. The second was in Invercargill and the third in Auckland. Hey, I spent most of the day in Whangarei, a small nice idyllic town north of Auckland.

                               

And, I am now 25, a quarter of a century old now. So many things has transpired in the past few years and on my 25th birthday, there have been so many realizations, retrospection, introspection and little bit of planning on my journey to life, to hopefully make it something wonderful. Though it can be lonesome, but there are so many reasons to be thankful about behind the struggles of getting there, towards self betterment and actualization. 

This is a planned trip, and the target? It's Mount Manaia in Whangarei Heads. As per Wikipedia, Whangarei Heads is a locality and promontory on the northern side of the Whangarei Harbour in Northland, New Zealand. Whangarei is 29 km (18 mi) to the north-west, and Ocean Beach is 8 km (5 mi) to the south-east, with Taurikura between the two. Mount Manaia rises to 420 metres (1,378 ft) to the east.

I was enthused on climbing that mountain peak after seeing it on my good friend Arjay's Facebook and from there, the conceptualization of the trip began. I asked Arjay about it and learned that going to the peak is not dangerous as it already have established trails. I booked immediately a bus that goes off from Auckland Central to Whangarei Central and from there, I was supposed to meet up Arjay and we planned to climb the mountain together. Unfortunately, he felt unwell and I ended up driving towards there for 30 minutes from the city proper to McLeod Bay on the way to Whangarei Heads. It was fun adventure for me. 

From Auckland City, I rode with Nakedbus for only 10 NZD, a big discount off as fares can be a high as 45 to 50 NZD going there. I also paid 10 NZD in going back. It was a wonderful trip as it was my first time to go up north of Auckland and the scenery is just amazing. It's like in Southland area with those perfect green and wonderfully vast verdant areas with thick canopy of trees at some places that definitely can excite and awaken the nature loving piece deep within you. Although, I never had the chance to see what the weather will be like up there, I had that feeling that it will be just alright as anyway at the back of my mind, whether the weather is good or not, I will go and climb on that mountain up high. All set. I geared myself with everything from raincoat, 2L water, umbrella, food and a DSLR camera which I borrowed from my friend Aaron, all in my backpack. Good thing it is a nice and a great sunny day up there. Then from there, I already know that this is going to be really great. 

That's all about it for now as I am about to do something else. I will update this piece as soon as I find some time and will post photos just the same. This blog as I say is just a product of my own desires for the sole purpose of personal ventilation. If you happen to stumble on this site, thank you for taking time to read and I hope you enjoy reading. As this is for my personal consumption, there can a little bit of disorganization as far as how things are presented here with a little bit of drama as well. There can be grammatical errors that I overlooked and some other ideas and opinions that might be antagonistic to yours. With these possibilities, a little understanding may serve as your guiding principle to whatever correction necessary for its perfection. Have a good day and I am wishing you good and wonderful times ahead.

P.S. One of my favorite milestones that happen also on birthday includes Wong Fu Productions' anniversary. Today is their 10-year anniversary. I always a big Wong Fu fan. I had the opportunity to have  photo opp with Phil Wang, one of the guys behind Wong Fu when he went to Auckland one time. Today also is the wedding day of one of my favorite couples in the world, Cheche and Marlou. Today is their wedding day back home.

Photo above is me and Phil Wang in Sky Tower in Auckland. He visited Auckland for a personal visit with his girlfriend. One of the best people that I always look up to in creativity and scriptwriting. 

Although it's hard to be alone in the distant shores but I can say, I am so grateful to see this part of the tunnel. It is not the end of the tunnel yet but I am seeing greater opportunities here for me to realize my dreams one step at a time and see the light where the end of the tunnel is in the right time. I am also extremely thankful to God for all those experiences that lead me towards seeing bigger energies that I have always been badly wanting to connect with. To myself, keep your dreams alive and always remember that God has bigger reasons. Don't ever forget to be happy. When you're down, don't forget to look up. Your family is always there for you. There is you, your friends and most importantly, there is God.

First Day High

Today is the day of my start as a Neurosurgery RN of Auckland City Hospital. Felt like a deja vu, being able to work even for a short time in Neurosurgical Unit of VSMMC before. It was an amazing first day. I worked along with my preceptor looking after a patient with a an external ventricular drain as a temporary measure to relieve hydrocephalus. As the only male staff nurse in a pool of 30+ nurses of different nationalities, I always get a comment, "It's nice to see a male nurse around here."

Muchas Gracias Invercargill

It's been long since I chronicled something about the chapters of my life. The last long post I had was when I first worked down here in Invercargill, which is said to be the southernmost city in the world. It's a very wonderful place, quiet though. The people here are the friendliest.

It's been a very happy day today and it's my second day off after my straight six-day busy shifts. Two weeks ago, one of our beloved clinical coordinators happily organized a farewell dinner for me with the rest of the Emergency Department staff. It was very touching. Yes, you read it right. I did tender my resignation in very good terms. With some careful considerations, I humbly handed my formal resignation to my manager on the 23rd of June, effective by the 29th of July. It's going to be 10 wonderful Invercargill months. It is very wonderful in the sense that my stay here has been life changing and it has been an amazing journey. 

We went today to The Kiln which is one of the famous restobar here in Southland.  It's been filled with a whole lot of surprises. I was so delighted to see our ED Consultant Neil and our ED Clinical Nurse Manager Sue attending the party with us. Thanks to Leanne, one of our beloved RN coordinators and my senior RN for organizing. I am so happy to see my fellow nurses whom I looked up so high attending the party. Thanks to my seniors Eve, Sheryl and Tania. My overflowing gratitude to Kuya Abs, who despite being busy with Baby Mason still attended and picked us up and of course to my buddy Belle. Thanks also to our lovely receptionists Kylie, Sue and Kerrianne for being with us. It's been an honor and a privilege.

Photo with my beloved colleagues at work in SDHB ED.

Working away from home and friends was a little bit of a struggle for me in the first few months. I have been there when I felt like giving up but remained tough and still went on. ED is such a demanding job and I can say, you need to be tough in order to  become an emergency nurse. It requires fast clinical assessment skills, algorithmic and procedural mastery,  pharmacokinetics, excellent communication which is a little bit of a struggle for me at first, quick movements, body mechanics, nonstop pacing, fast and sound judgment, an attitude to bitchslap bullies and tons of assertiveness on doctors regarding management of care you want to be done or on those that you don't agree with of course. These are just tidbits of what ED here is like. In the span of 10 months, I can say, I am heartfully thankful to God for the wonderful opportunity. Working in the emergency department is one of the best things that ever happened to me. It is an great avenue to experience a lot of things. I was so touched to see the love of some people to me, some colleagues, patients and of course love from my own being. It's one of the best experiences that I have, such a great avenue to learn and to meet with people from all walks of life.

In the next two weeks, I will be working as a registered nurse in the Spinal Unit of Counties Manukau District Health Board. I can say I am excited and I will take it from Neil. I will be fine. It's going to be a new atmosphere and a new learning experience. My ambitious goal is to commence a simple phenomenological qualitative research in the Spinal Unit, have it properly critiqued and be published, not for recognition, but for a break. I probably just miss print media again but not anymore those childish opinion thingies of mine. I am wanting a more mature and a scientifically based article that will stem from my self-conducted research, which somehow could be of use to the nursing and medical literature. This sounds really ambitious.

Going back to the topic, my main reason of resigning stems from my young nature. Invercargill is a very nice place but later I inevitably became lonely to the point that solitude is no longer a help. I have met amazing friends here and live with them. They made me feel so happy during those days of loneliness. Though it took a little while to feel at home at work, I am always so excited with the nature of my job everyday and as well as working with the people that I admired the most. On the other hand, my natural instinct also sensed that there can be a bigger energy somewhere out there for my personal and professional growth and what it wants to do is to connect to that energy. It's sad to see myself leaving in a place that I love and the people whom who have shared moments with working in the past 10 months. However, that's it and that's life. You have to fight what you want to do and be the warrior of your own feat. We also need to learn when to let go, when to decide and when to visualize yourself hitting other grounds.

This is going to be all for now. I will be updating some more in time. It's going to be 10 wonderful Invercargill months but as they say, in a certain place, we come and go. We will be physically leaving friends and keep them in our hearts. Someday, somewhere our roads will meet again. What matters most is that, we enjoyed  and shared our happy moments together in between the lines. I will miss playing snow with you guys.

I Now Turn 24

It's my 24th birthday today and my second birthday here in New Zealand. Last year was in Nelson and now it's here in the southernmost city in the world, Invercargill. I am spending it with my friends. We cooked  variety of food and invited some friends. I am so glad. We enjoyed dancing and some silly things, and of course picture taking. It was one of the coolest birthdays I ever have so far and my second birthday away from home.

My Mama and Papa prepared a salo salo for me back home and brought Patron Saint Vincent Ferrer at home, as we always do during my birthdays. I am overflowed with gratitude to all my friends whom I have spent with my birthday and to my family back in Cebu. I am so thankful to God for all these blessings and opportunities in hand and for these wonderful people.

My First Day at Work

First times are something wonderful if you're in somewhere where what you've been doing is what you've been wanting. We all have lots of first times yet this first time of mine reminds me of the first time I qualified then to a national journalism tilt in high school. I made it to the nationals twice. One in Laguna, one in Surigao. You have to go through a process, metamorphose, hurdle the hardships and be keen to master your craft.

Today is my first day working in the Emergency Department of Southland Hospital. It's not the usual department I saw in structure but the delivery of care is somewhat just the same. Hence, I can say that nursing care is then universal. However, unlike with what I used to, being a registered nurse here gives you a greater scope of practice. You don't need to be confirmed by the doctor to have some blood tests done, it's your discretion to draw bloods on your own and order tests. As usual in any other places, we need to adapt with the new environment. Needs to review haemodynamics, all those rhythms, ACLS protocol and whatnots. Needs to be IV certified anew to do cannulations and also to become ECG competent. Although you can identify basic ECG rhythms, you need  to be certified to interpret them.

I just couldn't help but write something about my first day. It entails a lot of things. My flat is three minutes away from my workplace. Though it's pretty cold down here, I managed to get out to work just with my uniform, no jackets, even no hoodies as I was in a hurry to report at 7am to meet with my preceptor. I arrived just on time. Everyone's set for the handover.

I felt so lucky to have meet nice people here down South. I meet wonderful people. You can see it in their smiles. You can feel it in their eyes. It's just a good feeling to be appreciated. No joke, going out from your comfort zone in the Philippines on your own takes a lot fortitude. How I wish not to leave the Philippines but thinking of career enhancement and personal growth made me left  from my comfort nest and connect myself to the bigger energies I saw out of my zones of comfort.  As my cousin Nang Mary Jane said, sometimes we really need to fly, to stand on our own and continue flying and soon enough we won't regret flying out of our comfort nest. And for this, I thank God for everything. Have so many people to thank for. My family, dear friends in NZ, dear and crazy friends back home, Filipino community in Nelson and Nurse2NZ. The latter's an online forum which outlines the steps of pursuing your NZ dreams. Opportuned to talk with the maker of the forum and thank him for having such heart. Saved me and my parents lots of money from those agencies scattered elsewhere. The forum encourages everyone to process applications just on their own.

Back to my first day at work, well it's great. Met with the friendly and supportive staff, doctors and all the members of the whole ED team. Started with orientation of the setup and the gadgets in the unit. If you come from a tertiary private  hospital the country, the setup's pretty much the same. It perhaps just differs as far as the protocols are concerned, if not the delivery of care. Each procedure here has it's own protocol and policy specific for that unit. My preceptor is a very nice and accommodating Kiwi. Gives much opportunity for me to ask. We're two Asian nurses in the floor, a fellow Filipino named Abner, seems like a diplomatic man.

The first patient I dealt with is an elderly woman in her 80s, a cheeky old gracious woman. She joked with me as I went through with my own assessment. It's just that most Kiwis, especially the older population are naturally nice people. Very cooperative in matters of health care. The very first procedure I did was on her. Deep IM Stemetil injection.

Next patient catered was a former Air Force man in his 80s as well. Loves to talk about war as expected. Asked me about Douglas MacArthur, fall of Bataan in the Philippines and Japanese attack in the Philippines post Pearl Harbor in Hawaii. History is also one of my all time favorites. ED's a fast paced environment so we didn't had the time to chitchat for long for such matters and just told him MacArthur's famous line, "I shall return". When I got back to dress his diabetic toe ulcer, we resumed chatting. Excerpt.

Patient: In which part of the Philippines are you from gentleman?

Me: From Cebu in the central Philippines, Mr Doe.

Patient: That's great. I'm sorry if I'm too curious.

Me: No worries. Curiosity has it's own reason for existing, ain't it?

Patient: (Smiling) Oh, from whom did you quote that?

Me: Albert Einstein?

Patient: Oh boy, that makes my day.

Got another newly admitted patient and assisted in sending them to wards. Had information overload on my first day. Ooops, one more thing, we have things, material or not that keep us stimulated all these years and I know, this makes me anticipate and love going on duty even in the years to come. I am not materialistic. Just giving a little favor. Sincerely, Dodong Me.

A New Zealand Registered Nurse

Dear Modicum, 
First of all, I thank God for everything. Early this week, I received in hand my nursing registration from the Nursing Council and just today, voila I got my dream job. Thankfully, I just got a call from the clinical nurse manager confirming that I got the job in the Emergency Department of Southland Hospital of the Southern DHB, based in Invercargill. I called my Mama right away and she cried. I have lots of stories to tell as it wasn't an easy process. I will make an update very sooner. Sincerely, Dodong Junel

On Being Like a Loser

"Something I learned from John McEnroe today."

It is a sad fact that when you feel like a loser and when you lose your confidence in a game, you lose a bit of your confidence as a person. It is hard to overcome that feeling. You always have to fight the thought that you are a loser, that you were not the same person you were, when in fact you may very well be a better person in certain ways.

Picton on Ate Eloise Birthday

Whilst the Americans celebrate the 4th of July today, just as with some fragments of Filipinos who continue to believe that July 4 is the real Independence Day, we went to Picton in the morning for a road and scenic trip.  Thanks to Ate Eloise and Terry. Today's Ate Eloise Birthday.

Ate Eloise is from Davao in the Philippines and my fellow Visayan. We met her and her husband Terry about two weeks ago as we're searching for an accommodation near our clinical placement in Stillwater Gardens Resthome and Hospital Richmond. It was an opportunity to meet this lovely and wonderful couple. Thanks to the great help and guidance of the Nelson Tasman Filipino Community, wherein Ate Eloise also plays a major part.

  

Picton is located at the top of Queen Charlotte Sound in the Marlborough Region in the South Island. It is considered as the main thoroughfare for interisland ships and ferry boats and has been a good place for outdoor activities like fishing and kayaking. We raced through the long winding frosty roads on the way from the Nelson City which took Terry 90 minutes to drive, stop places by places and took some photographs.

It was a day well spent. Credits to my friend Aaron in whom we're indebted for these photos. Darkness enveloped already as we arrived home. Someone cried for being able to see the idyllic landscapes Picton has offered. I am looking back again to visit such picturesque haven somewhere in the South.

My Birthday and Maori New Year

Oh there am I. Happy birthday to me! It's gonna be my birthday tomorrow, 8th of June 2011. This is going to be my first birthday away from home, first birthday without chicken blood marked on my knees, forehead, back and toes. Call it variation of culture baby. First time too, without seeing Saint Vincent Ferrer whom we bring home on my natal days.

Basically, I was born in a Catholic household and long ago, on one eve of June 1988, my mom experienced long labor process and asked God for a normal delivery, asking Saint Vincent's intercession. On the dawn of June 8, 1988, I was successfully delivered. My father named me Junel, after my birth month. Cool, isn't it?

Currently, I am here at Nelson Marlborough Institute of Technology and recently we were notified that tomorrow's gonna be a celebration of the Maori New Year. The Maori people are the original inhabitants of New Zealand prior to the English colonization. I'm gonna celebrate with the Maoris and Pakeha alike while celebrating my first natal day here in Aotearoa. Another cool thing, ain't it? Heard there's gonna be a barbecue party which I'm gonna hitch with and the whole NMIT is gonna be celebrating my birthday as well. Hahaha.

Mama called from home and it was my first ever conversation with her since I arrived here. They are going to have a simple party for me back home. We call it a simple salosalo. Here, I am gonna have it with the company of my newly met friends. We won't be really celebrating it much as I did but a simple share of laughters will do. Thanks to them. Happy Birthday to me. I simply wish nothing but the bests of health, rational thinking, safety and good health of my family back home, and more opportunities to come. The best things will fall perfectly in its own perfect timing.

Tidbits at the Nurse Station

One year passed since I last had my final day of duty as a nurse trainee in the Neurosurgical Unit of Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center. We presented Cerebral Contusion with chance diagnosis of Schistosomiasis and took the anapsychopathophysiology part. In that span of 365 days, lots of things had already happened and today I am here to witness a Case Study Presentation of the nurse volunteers of Minglanilla District Hospital. I had my own share at this very same date a year hence. I got the best presenter award. I conquered the butterflies my stomach had on that day.

The Yuuki Film

To comprehend the value of one year,

just ask the students who failed their entrance exams.

To comprehend the value of one month,

just ask the mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To comprehend the value of one week,

just ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To comprehend the value of one hour,

just ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To comprehend the value of one minute,

just ask the people who missed their stop on the train.

To comprehend the value of one second,

just ask the person who managed to avoid an accident just in time.

To comprehend the value of one tenth of a second,

just ask the person who ended up with a silver medal at the Olympics.

The hands of the clock will continue ticking.

Therefore, treasure every moment you have.

And treat today as the utmost gift you'll have.

The Yuuki Film (Courage Leading To Tomorrow)

On Realizing Dreams

In this world of uncertainties and continuous universal strife, we are left with no choice but to gather strength from our dreams. Dreams are the things we wish we are, we desire to have and we long to see. Four days ago, while getting totally bored out of having zero delivery in the morning in the hospital delivery room where I currently work, I couldn't help but reflect on what I really love since the very days I learned what it's like to dream. Yes, you read that right, to dream.

In life, we sustain the hardships because we hope that someday somewhere, when preparation meets opportunity, things fall in the most perfect timing. We share our simplest to the most complex wishes to our beloved Omnipotent that in the most possible moment, we can begin realizing our dreams. Dreams. Dreams. Dreams. All I want is to begin realizing my dreams. This is just a beginning of a quest.

A line which I composed when I was in high school suddenly popped into my mind. I wrote it in an old book which now I couldn't locate. It says, naniniwala ako na sa likod ng mga nagdidilimang ulap ay naroon pa rin ang haring araw sa pagpasikat ng kanyang malagintong pag-asa. It's been a while then. I suddenly miss print media.

Let's get back. Shift passed and I went straight home. I opened my Gmail Inbox and to my surprise I got an offer of place dated 25th of May from Nelson Marlborough Institute of Technology in the northermost of the South Island in Aotearoa, approving my training application for the competency assessment program for my final nursing registration by the Nursing Council of New Zealand. 

I am gonna begin realizing my dreams months from now. I know it wouldn't be easy to be away from home but things are like that. As my wonderful friend says, we need to chase our dreams for a brighter tomorrow. I may not be able to become a medical doctor the soonest time I wanted but I am not gonna give it up. It's my dream. It means a lot to me. I may not be able to pursue it the soonest time I wanted, but I will continue chasing. I am in high hopes that I will be able to get it.

Nursing is a mind  stimulating profession anyway. After consuming those piles of books and retain heavy loads of it, one can say that medicine is frail without the art and science of my beloved profession.

The Thought of Ma Varista

My blog is for my personal ventilation. If you happen to stumble on this site, I apologize for its drama and intricacies and for the disorganization of thoughts. I simply want to pour what I feel into words as I think it's the best way that I can do to at least express some emotional longings. 

I just arrived home from the city. I was called up by our municipality to be a part of the medical team to watch over the Cebu Province delegation for the Sinulog 2011. I spent 12 hours in the ambulance looking after the Cebu Province contingents for the big annual event.

Yesterday also marked Ma Varista 5th year since rested in peace. At this time also, I applied online for RN Heals, a collaborative program of DOH, DOLE, DSWD and PRC for registered nurses seeking employment and deployment in public hospitals and in public health centers for a year.


Let's talk about Ma Varista. She is my paternal grandmother. I always see her as an emblem of inspiration. Couldn't help but think of my childhood memoirs with her, with the rest of my grandparents with the whole clan as well. Ma Varista is an illegitimate daughter of a Chinese merchant named Niko Kong. She struggled as a child, became an adolescent and ultimately married our grandfather. I just can't stop but write about her. She's a jewel to us in the whole family tree as she also sees us being ones.

Ma Varista is an icon of education. So is Pa Titing who always invoke in the triumph of getting schooled and achieving something worth a prize. They were prime inspirations. I can till remember Ma Varista always telling me to do best. In her, I see as an epitome of industry, humility and love. She always wishes us to be on the top of the food chain.

I remember the days everytime she kissed me on her forehead until the last time she kissed when she was bedridden. I was in second year college then. One time, when I was in my first grade in Sibonga Central School, I had my neck tied by an interior rubber by father when he found out I skipped classes for some days and pretended to have stomachaches. That's the best alibi a child can do for terrifying teachers who knocks doors of our cranium too hard. What did Ma Varista do? 


She rescued me and cried too hard. I can still remember how she was able to walk without that Ruby chair in front of her just to get near us, in order to keep me away from harm of getting mauled by my raging father. I so love my father anyway. He is a good disciplinarian. He was just too pissed that when he sent me to school by a ride, I refused giving him a direction where my room was as I was too afraid of my super terrifying teacher. I was too pampered during my Day Care classes prior to my first grade education and it took me sometime to finally adapt the real primary school system. My Mama then accompanied me to my room. She was the only who knew where my classroom was.  I was a child anyway and being schooled at that time whole day was new to me.

Let me just talk about Ma Varista. We transferred to a rural place after my first grade due to familial and financial issues. Yeah, I was back in my comfort zone after a year. We originally lived in Bae and went in town as my father succeeded Ma Varista's carenderia business. It didn't took a year of stay as Papa met an accident and some people, even within the family went against us as we couldn't sustain some financial and other personal matters. Mama worked double hard and had a solo flight of taking care of the business as we were too young then. Until time came, we stopped with the business, went back home and had the four of us left in town. 


I have two sisters and a brother and I am the youngest. I spent one year of my childhood in the market of Sibonga town. My siblings and I stayed in the carenderia. My elder sisters were our supervisors. My brother was my playmate. We stayed in school on some Saturdays and played the fulcrums and the slides with some other children. We went in Tulay. We went to anywhere we think were exciting. What is then Ma Varista's connection? I couldn't remember some of them. All I could is that, my brother and I finished that same school year with first honors. Then, I remembered Ma Varista. She was also at that time too proud. 

We then went back home. I continued my basic education in Papan. With modesty aside, finished each year with first honors until my high school graduation. With these, I can think of Ma Varista. I can see out how proud she was everytime I brought home a prize for an academic contest in town, in other towns, in other cities and in other regions. I can see how happy she was for every qualification to the nationals. Well, I am just happy and proud to know that someone's happy for how it was. 


I spent most of my childhood and adolescent years in Bae and only went to Ma Varista's place during occasions. Funny is, most of the times, she secretly gave me coins taken from her cans. She always told me to do my best and shall do good things.

Ma Varista became old. She was already old from the time I know her. As she was watching us grow, I saw her getting old graciously. Despite, her beauty was still very evident with her Chinese look prevailing. She's not a small type Chinese. She's a Filipino Chinese lady of American size. 


Until in 2006, she joined God peacefully. She has been too old to handle things to the point of leaving all the physical burdens she carried on her final moments on Earth. She bid goodbye to life. She might have left but in her, an inspiration springs eternal. I miss Ma Varista's light. I miss the times when she gave me coins from her cans. I miss seeing her pushing that Ruby monobloc chair to advance pace as she walks. I miss seeing her in the kitchen washing dishes despite her arthritis getting bad. I miss her calling us all for lunch despite being full. I miss her motherly kisses and her excitement everytime she sees us. I just miss her light, her ray of sunshine, her presence and her love.  I just simply miss everything about her. She has always been so dear to me. She's one of my fans.


I still hope that Ma Varista is still here now, able to see me of what I have gone and what have gone through since the last time we met. There are no other Ma Varista. I am sure that she will be so happy and proud to learn about it. She's a one of a kind treasure I ever have.

Ma Varista, you are great friend of mine. Every single moment I had with you has been a treasure. I hope that you are very happy now in the world where God has placed you in His loving arms. I am keeping you alive deep in my heart and will forever cherish you for being my great confidante.

In Search of Opportunities

There are many times in our lives that we take chances for granted. We are sometimes ambivalent on which choice to choose because we are too indecisive to elicit mature decisions. There are moments that pass by without knowing, as we idly and busily embark ourselves to something joyous but transient. Oftentimes, opportunities come and go, left undetected. However, in the real score of the game, it can either lead us to scratch or can leave us unscathed from the negative forces. It all depends depending on how we view opportunities in our own ways.

In life, we often hear people aphorizing that in this highly competitive world, opportunities knock at our doors just once. This is an idea a person whom I looked up to before persuaded. Even right now or may it be until eternity, such claim is still debatable. I believe that most of the twists and turns in our lives are governed by our own choices, wise or dumbfounded. Grabbing or not an opportunity involves a strong decision-making and on the basis of choosing the right choice, springs a fine good life.

Opportunities are not at all times breezes to cast away the pains loaded in our hearts. Without thorough introspection, things can be as devastating, agonizing and excruciating like psychogenic pain, far from relief if people’s hearts are palsied with weariness and vulnerability against the streams in life. Most of the time, choosing the right decisions in life tests the fragility of our personalities as well as the intellectual capacity of an individual to discern. It’s crucial. This is the reason why grabbing things direct at hand without second thoughts can be suicide at its best and purest form. If doubts are the beginnings of wisdom, then there’s no reason we can’t apply the same thing.

Take your time to decide and think over things. Jumping into conclusions without a shrewd evaluation can be as tough as Batista for Pacquiao to batter in a boxing ring. Oftentimes, rushing thing is like speeding to evacuate a subdural hematoma. We need to be extra careful in each move and make sure that burrholes are left closed at the end of the process. Otherwise, with one single mistake and inaccuracy, one's life can be a concession.

The continuous pursuit of wise decision-making and critical thinking is still the best thing to unlock the secrets behind every joyous adventure. It’s not about grabbing them all and be jacks and in the end get smashed to smithereens. If things compromise, then it’s not an opportunity at all. The bests in life might be just hairsbreadth away, waiting us to keep in touch with them in the midst of some ambiguities. It’s about choosing the right things in life, and discarding the sloths in it. What’s the use of keeping if it stores cockroaches for you?

Schools Press Conference

I suddenly realize that it's December 16, 2010 nocte and at this same date and hours seven years ago (on 2003), I travelled with my coach and with my schoolmate on our way to Bohol for the Regional Schools Press Conference 2003. We travelled there despite the raging waves due to tropical storm Zigzag. It really made the sea traffic zigzag days later as it worsened. I can still recount the days when we took pictures despite the raging winds along the coast. It was memorable of course, since press conference gave me the opportunity to have my first ship ride and eventually, plane ride for the nationals. Thanks God, we arrived in Valencia sound and safe.

Random Thoughts On December

I couldn't believe time fleets fast at times, except when you are in head to toe waiting for a big break. Christmas is near as Saint Nicolas savors the December fever. May this season be filled with hope, love, unity, joy and faith in God and Christ. Whoever one's God is, whether it be the universe, let's enjoy this season of love, and to quote Nigahiga on his Off the Pill on Farts, let's do it loud and proud.

It really pays to recall some good things that transpired in the first two quarter of the month. One night time, desolate with the itch to get out, I went to Tingko Beach in Alcoy on my own and spend in a place along the coast until dusk and went home early in the morning. It felt great to finally spend a night having soundwaves of waves transmitted in my ear canals after almost a year of having heard crickets before going to bed. Both of which are soothing after all.

Few days ago, I was invited by one of the nursing faculty in our graduate school about including our summer nursing research study which I headed in an international nursing research congress in Waterfront that Cebu Normal University will be sponsoring. It slightly  bleeds my nose on the positive side and felt flattered since last time, they also invited me to present the same research in front of the nursing students in a research congress during the university's charter day. Who would have thought that a scaffold of analysis on the viewpoints of health care providers on family presence during cardiopulmonary resuscitation and bedside invasive procedures conducted in Sotto for more than a month catches eyes of the research folks? I just feel elated at thought of it and should get over it just as the Sunscreen Song says, do not congratulate yourself too much. After all, it's a piece of work of a novice, a little trying hard, obssessive, compulsive and at times passive professional. I shouldn't berate myself either. This is just cool.

Earlier, the  Nursing Council of New Zealand acknowledged that all my documents for assessment have been completed after complying them the lacking requirements they asked. I have been desperately complying all the necessary requirements since April of the year, completed them in October and just today I have been approved by the nursing authority and invited me to take the competency assessment program to be finally registered afterwhich. Well, it still has a long way to go and thanks God, I have surpassed the rigid assessment without being denied. Now, time for hunting schools. Looking for schools will take an ample time. However, it's one of the best early Christmas presents that I ever have.

We also conceptualized just few days ago a high school reunion on the 27th of the month. It's going to be  whole fun and giggles in Habitat, a swimming pool in Cansantic, in our hometown. It's good to see some of your buddies in high school after five years since we parted from the pedestals of our school in Papan. Some have their children already while others remain single and are desperately waiting for their right ones. Others have been tied already with real knots while some also have been tied with strings or worse, loosely tied with a lupis.

Thanks God. We should thank God for all the wonderful blessings bestowed on us and for the strength to look opportunities for more. Let's look up and there will be more. True indeed, Les Brown made it right when he quipped that if you can look up, you can get up. Have a great and festive holidays. Have a merry merry Christmas and a happy happy New Year.

Looking Back

Two semesters and two summers have passed after I graduated from nursing school. I couldn’t say I got the best experiences but I was sure I was semiglad and semisad at the thought of it. Right now however, no offense. Goodbye ambivalence.

At 16, going to a nursing school was a blurry choice. Only if I have the luxury and the mechanisms sufficient enough to send me to schools and proceed to take up the dream without constraints, I should have taken UPCAT, took Bachelor of Science in Biochemistry or Bachelor of Science in Biology in UP Cebu and then get into the Doctor of Medicine programme, but how could I? For sure, there are no ways for gripes here but let me just have chance to explicate. The dearth of financial capability thwarted my dream of taking up my first course of choice but it didn’t halt my personal ambitions. Then I became a nurse and what else can I ask for? On the other hand, nursing provides luring work opportunities and grabbing a full scholarship grant inclusive of tuition, miscellaneous, dorm and allowance benefits was a best choice. Sounds practical, verdad? I honesty drifted from my idealistic to a realistic point of view. At the start of school, I became a sure ball with what I pursued and tried loving it day by day. It was slight bone of contention on me and now the best thing that I could do is to maximize and enjoy every bits of it, knowing that it can be as any course more rewarding than I have ever think of. We all have our own desires and we can not decide to ignore them but we should neither whine nor blame someone or something else if we are not happy with the way things are turning out. Instead I must be very happy that the winds beneath my wings are there supporting me.

In nursing school, I first found some procedures silly like how to arrange flowers in the hospital as a part of the nursing curriculum but I loved as it progressed through to molecular basis and structure, metabolism, physiologic mechanisms,  pharmacology, pathophysiologies and research and its nursing responsibilities. I just love them. Those were the only things I felt thrilled and interested about, plus the fact that I got big chance to delve much into psychiatric theories when I was 19, which of course was a roller coaster ride given my background of sexual trauma as a child. Man, that was hard learning those mental defence mechanisms that I have used for many years without really realizing them before then. Nursing is indeed nobly and needless to say, satisfying. I got a GWA of 1.02 one time in a semester and graduated with 1.49. It is a minute stuff for summa cum laude graduates of course, but as for me, I graduated with nothing in my hand, just the knowledge, learnings and realizations in my head. It was kinda like silly as I was so narrow-minded at first that I was disappointed for not getting a recognition from our university despite my high marks but hey, I should get over it. After all, it is not that counts. It is your integrity as a person. After all, being effortlessly shrewd is far better than being a trying hard oxymoron. It spells a difference.


Often, I reckon the days when I think I should have opted the Biochemistry or Biology instead of taking the roads to Nursing. Everyone I think has his own issue and unluckily, that's my issue. After trotting those files of books like smokes of wildfires, who would think you will still end up jobless months after graduation? That's a fad. We all have hopes, hopes of stepping towards our dreams, towards better tomorrows, taking the path where our passion seems to take us.


I beg my pardon if this post seems silly as it spills something I wish to be of. After all, I still think it's pretty  normal. I am simply human, endowed with the emotions to respond to a wish in mind. God has a purpose and I am very thankful as well that I became a nurse.

On Cyberblogging

I longed to blog since the days I met cyberblogging. It takes me some time to undergo a reversal metamorphosis from being a person trying hard to be on my own and experience what it feels like to have things first hand then to becoming an easygoing fellow. 


For the previous years, I didn’t have that fortitude to chronicle what happened in my life for some of my fellow organisms to read or worse, I couldn’t think of few good things transpiring. Now, I decide to slightly detach myself from my isolation as much as I want to steer my sail towards the real world. It really feels incredibly amazing to feel alive after slumbering redolently for months. It’s like consuming happiness as I swallow the world within and isolate myself in a capsule in the outer space while the world is in my gut. I know the mirth the world can give and the joy of its days from dawn to dusk, but how would I know? I swallowed it within. But now, by George and by a flutter of curiosity striking out on me again, I seemed to want a ball of fiery energy to break this point and finally gag and vomit all after a long bingeing, experience the beauty of things mundane and be a sportsman to deal some of my frustrations and disappointments with equanimity. After all, vomiting is such a natural healthy process like farting to expel the toxins out of isolating my own world.

In a Nutshell

Last Thursday, I received a note from the Nursing Council of New Zealand asking me a letter from my nursing school indicating my clinical placements, so I went to my nursing school again yesterday and process some papers to accomplish and ask the school to send them en route.

The idea of going back to school again for so many times this month isn't that as exciting anymore despite the beautiful landscapes my sight can catch from my hometown up North of Cebu South, it's also financially draining with the fact that courier services cost so high nowadays to the point of cutting short every time I mail.  It also becomes boring going as time goes by once you get too familiar with the sights. How much more being loaded with pollutants in the industrialized areas in the metropolis? I went home tired and wary. The sun already set down. I laid my back on the bench and all I could hear was the ticking of the clock. Now, I embraced the new day at 6 am with a new spirit, with the hope that the documents the school is sending to the Nursing Council is in safe hands. On the other hand, I just think I idly become a couch potato these days or am I just really in the mood to spend with myself for a little while? Or a combination of both? I'm whole unsure. I shall get out from this shell soon so I can let my friends again see the nuts out of me.