Looking Back

Two semesters and two summers have passed after I graduated from nursing school. I couldn’t say I got the best experiences but I was sure I was semiglad and semisad at the thought of it. Right now however, no offense. Goodbye ambivalence.

At 16, going to a nursing school was a blurry choice. Only if I have the luxury and the mechanisms sufficient enough to send me to schools and proceed to take up the dream without constraints, I should have taken UPCAT, took Bachelor of Science in Biochemistry or Bachelor of Science in Biology in UP Cebu and then get into the Doctor of Medicine programme, but how could I? For sure, there are no ways for gripes here but let me just have chance to explicate. The dearth of financial capability thwarted my dream of taking up my first course of choice but it didn’t halt my personal ambitions. Then I became a nurse and what else can I ask for? On the other hand, nursing provides luring work opportunities and grabbing a full scholarship grant inclusive of tuition, miscellaneous, dorm and allowance benefits was a best choice. Sounds practical, verdad? I honesty drifted from my idealistic to a realistic point of view. At the start of school, I became a sure ball with what I pursued and tried loving it day by day. It was slight bone of contention on me and now the best thing that I could do is to maximize and enjoy every bits of it, knowing that it can be as any course more rewarding than I have ever think of. We all have our own desires and we can not decide to ignore them but we should neither whine nor blame someone or something else if we are not happy with the way things are turning out. Instead I must be very happy that the winds beneath my wings are there supporting me.

In nursing school, I first found some procedures silly like how to arrange flowers in the hospital as a part of the nursing curriculum but I loved as it progressed through to molecular basis and structure, metabolism, physiologic mechanisms,  pharmacology, pathophysiologies and research and its nursing responsibilities. I just love them. Those were the only things I felt thrilled and interested about, plus the fact that I got big chance to delve much into psychiatric theories when I was 19, which of course was a roller coaster ride given my background of sexual trauma as a child. Man, that was hard learning those mental defence mechanisms that I have used for many years without really realizing them before then. Nursing is indeed nobly and needless to say, satisfying. I got a GWA of 1.02 one time in a semester and graduated with 1.49. It is a minute stuff for summa cum laude graduates of course, but as for me, I graduated with nothing in my hand, just the knowledge, learnings and realizations in my head. It was kinda like silly as I was so narrow-minded at first that I was disappointed for not getting a recognition from our university despite my high marks but hey, I should get over it. After all, it is not that counts. It is your integrity as a person. After all, being effortlessly shrewd is far better than being a trying hard oxymoron. It spells a difference.


Often, I reckon the days when I think I should have opted the Biochemistry or Biology instead of taking the roads to Nursing. Everyone I think has his own issue and unluckily, that's my issue. After trotting those files of books like smokes of wildfires, who would think you will still end up jobless months after graduation? That's a fad. We all have hopes, hopes of stepping towards our dreams, towards better tomorrows, taking the path where our passion seems to take us.


I beg my pardon if this post seems silly as it spills something I wish to be of. After all, I still think it's pretty  normal. I am simply human, endowed with the emotions to respond to a wish in mind. God has a purpose and I am very thankful as well that I became a nurse.